ToonVille!
After looking at numerous pictures of what our human ancestors looked like, I came across this one in a local paper. It was striking! Imagine, this is our ancestor...
But then, I realized there were some interesting similarities, so, with pencil in hand, I did an old trick that many in my high school did with the daily sunshine girl picture – I erased the hair (well, they erased the bikini, but you get the idea). For all of you anthropologists tsk-tsking my sacrilegious act, may I remind you of your well known anthropological friend who found a pig tooth, labeled it the human missing link by mistake, and had an artist draw up a hairy ape-human as a scientific illustration of his find.
But then, I realized there were some interesting similarities, so, with pencil in hand, I did an old trick that many in my high school did with the daily sunshine girl picture – I erased the hair (well, they erased the bikini, but you get the idea). For all of you anthropologists tsk-tsking my sacrilegious act, may I remind you of your well known anthropological friend who found a pig tooth, labeled it the human missing link by mistake, and had an artist draw up a hairy ape-human as a scientific illustration of his find.
So, I added some features of my own...
And it was then that it hit me. He looks just like my old boss!
And it was then that it hit me. He looks just like my old boss!
Worse yet, he looks like other people I know!
And with some makeup, he looks like some women I’ve known too! Egad!
That’s when the epiphany hit. I realized we are not alone. In fact, missing links are with us today!
____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Evolution for Dummies
Pablum for the masses
This is the story of how life originated on earth, according to evolutionary biologists, paleontologists and anthropologists (PAB for short). Keep in mind that this is just a theory these facts have been created by very well informed uppityups like people with many degrees. These people have paid tens of thousands of dollars to be taught what to think, by others who once paid tens of thousands of dollars to be taught what to teach, by others...Well, you get the idea. They spent lots of money, which means they know what they’re talking about.
In the beginning, there was the Earth, and this little cesspool of substances in green above. Now, the earth jiggled frequently from many earthquakes, and lightening struck often. With all that jiggling, some of the substances formed to make complex proteins and amino acids, while other bad proteins jiggled their way to the bottom so they wouldn't get mixed up in da bidness.
Think of it like clay on a riverbank and trees on the hills. Earthquakes may cause the clay to pop up, forming bricks of various colors, like yellow, red and black. In the meantime, the mudslides will cause trees to tumble, and the rocks will strip them and make them into 2X4s, 2X6s and 2X8s as they finally come to rest near the river. Further earthquakes may cause the bricks to fall into neat separate piles of red, yellow and black, and the wood to stack itself up nicely. But all the garbage stuff will just get thrown into the river, c.
Think of it like clay on a riverbank and trees on the hills. Earthquakes may cause the clay to pop up, forming bricks of various colors, like yellow, red and black. In the meantime, the mudslides will cause trees to tumble, and the rocks will strip them and make them into 2X4s, 2X6s and 2X8s as they finally come to rest near the river. Further earthquakes may cause the bricks to fall into neat separate piles of red, yellow and black, and the wood to stack itself up nicely. But all the garbage stuff will just get thrown into the river, c.
Amino acids jiggle their way into forming complex proteins, like 2X4s jiggle their way into forming wall frames.
The simple Cell
With all that shaking going on, all the cool good proteins finally formed into the first rudimentary cell. How simple was it? It only had an outer skin that allowed good stuff in, bad stuff out, but not bad stuff in or good stuff out. See how simple that is?
It also had a digestive system that ate the good stuff and pooped out the bad stuff, converting the good stuff into energy.
It had goo called protoplasm, which sounds really complex and is, so just say goo. Only PAB bigwigs can say protoplasm, as you're not allowed cus you didn't go to university and thus don't have a degree.
It had this motor that had a propeller that spun around 100,000 revolutions per minute without self destructing, but it was really simple, kinda like an electric motor but more efficient. Efficient means simple, just so you know.
Oh, it also was able to make exact copies of itself, like those cool sci-fi nano bots that we can't make for the life of us.
See how simple the first cell must have been?
It’s like all those red bricks, wood, copper wire, fixtures and pipes that earthquakes created coming together to form a house that could later on replicate itself.
Once all these parts self assemble, it gets hit by lightening which is way cool. Lightening makes it live, like Frankenstein.
Only thing is, the lightening now has to stop or it'll get killed. So, the command goes out: "No More Lightening!"
With all that shaking going on, all the cool good proteins finally formed into the first rudimentary cell. How simple was it? It only had an outer skin that allowed good stuff in, bad stuff out, but not bad stuff in or good stuff out. See how simple that is?
It also had a digestive system that ate the good stuff and pooped out the bad stuff, converting the good stuff into energy.
It had goo called protoplasm, which sounds really complex and is, so just say goo. Only PAB bigwigs can say protoplasm, as you're not allowed cus you didn't go to university and thus don't have a degree.
It had this motor that had a propeller that spun around 100,000 revolutions per minute without self destructing, but it was really simple, kinda like an electric motor but more efficient. Efficient means simple, just so you know.
Oh, it also was able to make exact copies of itself, like those cool sci-fi nano bots that we can't make for the life of us.
See how simple the first cell must have been?
It’s like all those red bricks, wood, copper wire, fixtures and pipes that earthquakes created coming together to form a house that could later on replicate itself.
Once all these parts self assemble, it gets hit by lightening which is way cool. Lightening makes it live, like Frankenstein.
Only thing is, the lightening now has to stop or it'll get killed. So, the command goes out: "No More Lightening!"
Now, something stupendous happens! Harmful UV rays and background radiation that would normally kill cells do the opposite, for some unknown but totally accidental reason. Life mutates and grows beneficial appendages, like arms, legs and eyes. Oh, and a brain too.
How mother nature knew it was needed is something called survival of the fittest. Mother nature does not exist. PABS simply use mother nature cus they don't want to say the 'G' word.
So go ahead, say mother nature, but if you say God, you'll have to wash your mouth out with soap.
We use survival of the fittest to explain how mother nature knows that this useless lump of flesh growing will one day, in a bizillion years, be an armpit.
It's somewhat confusing to people with no degrees, but because this is the Evolution for Dummies version just pretend the issue was never brought up.
How mother nature knew it was needed is something called survival of the fittest. Mother nature does not exist. PABS simply use mother nature cus they don't want to say the 'G' word.
So go ahead, say mother nature, but if you say God, you'll have to wash your mouth out with soap.
We use survival of the fittest to explain how mother nature knows that this useless lump of flesh growing will one day, in a bizillion years, be an armpit.
It's somewhat confusing to people with no degrees, but because this is the Evolution for Dummies version just pretend the issue was never brought up.
More evolution. After Millions and millions of years of happy accidents, life finally crept out of the water.
You may wonder, how can happy accidents happen? It is a proven fact. Note what results were found after 100 years of extensive radioactive testing on fruit flies. On the LEFT is a normal fruit fly, but notice the results of beneficial radioactive mutations. On the right is the final mutational result! That's why we all go to hospitals and get lots of X-Rays, so we can have happy accidents too! Don't read this part. We weren't actually able to make fruit flies mutate into cows. This is just an example of how it must have happened.
See?
See?
PABs are like doctors. That’s why they’re also called doctors. Doctors have a genetic predisposition against saying the words, “I don’t know.” Because of this, when they find a petrified skeleton of an animal, they'll say, "Hey, that could be the Whale missing link!"
Next thing you know, the multinational magazine that sponsored the dig hears the magic words and, in a very scientific, and more importantly, unbiased way state on their next cover page, “THE WHALE MISSING LINK.”
You may also read the words “OUR HUMAN ANCESTOR!” if they find a skull with two eye sockets and a lower jaw. Although it looks like a primate, tastes like a primate and smells like one too, it is not. It is the human missing link. Cus if it were a primate missing link, the PABS would have no funding and they wouldn't be famous. Remember: Opinions are facts. That's why PABs present them that way.
Next thing you know, the multinational magazine that sponsored the dig hears the magic words and, in a very scientific, and more importantly, unbiased way state on their next cover page, “THE WHALE MISSING LINK.”
You may also read the words “OUR HUMAN ANCESTOR!” if they find a skull with two eye sockets and a lower jaw. Although it looks like a primate, tastes like a primate and smells like one too, it is not. It is the human missing link. Cus if it were a primate missing link, the PABS would have no funding and they wouldn't be famous. Remember: Opinions are facts. That's why PABs present them that way.
Facts and opinions are the same thing if it comes from PABs. Have faith in them! Their opinions are far better than yours because they paid a lot of money to be told that evolution is true. Remember, you are the dummy, they are the PABs.
Anyway, hundreds of millions of years were necessary for all these happy and good accidents to lead to the huge variety of life we have today. Yes, you and the common Platynereis dumerilii worm really are brothers (It's been proven, not that you need to know this. See, worms have complex brains. Humans have complex brains. Hence, humans came from worms! You can read all about it in articles like this one: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38977221)
Anyway, hundreds of millions of years were necessary for all these happy and good accidents to lead to the huge variety of life we have today. Yes, you and the common Platynereis dumerilii worm really are brothers (It's been proven, not that you need to know this. See, worms have complex brains. Humans have complex brains. Hence, humans came from worms! You can read all about it in articles like this one: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38977221)
As to the UNhappy accidents, they disappeared, thanks to (drum roll) survival of the fittest!
Although facts prove that most varieties of life exploded onto the scene in a very short period of time, we can thankfully ignore this because the bigwigs have an explanation.
Although facts prove that most varieties of life exploded onto the scene in a very short period of time, we can thankfully ignore this because the bigwigs have an explanation.
You see, it took many millions of years, AND it happened during a short period of time. So there!
And it has come to this: Survival of the fittest has the human being as its pinnacle!
And it has come to this: Survival of the fittest has the human being as its pinnacle!
_____________________________________________________________________
After many decades, Nasa has revealed the mysteries of the dark side of the moon.
_____________________________________________________________________
1) After many years of careful in depth study by anthropologists...
2) They finally worked out the proof of concept of the male/female sexual organ development missing link.
3) You may have wondered why it took so long...
4) But rest assured they worked hard and wanted to be careful in their conclusions.
5) Here it is – How the Male / Female sexual organs evolved over many millions of eons!
